Each generation of parents hopes to improve upon the shortcomings of the last. While many parents will always wrestle with the idea of “perfection,” how that manifests in their parenting is often specific to their generation.
“Taking the best of each generation and adopting it to your own individual style can be most useful,” says Amelia Kelley, PhD, a therapist and author of Gaslighting Recovery for Women. “Also, understanding that just because you fall within one generation does not mean you must adhere to all of those specific qualities.”
That being said, each generation tackles unique major life events that shape their parenting style, causing it to differ from one decade to the next. Here’s what your generation says about your parenting style, according to experts.
Generation X (Born 1965 to 1980)
Major Events in Their Lives
- The fall of the Berlin Wall
- The end of The Cold War
- The rise of AIDS/HIV
- The Watergate scandal
- The rise of personal computers
- The emergence of MTV
According to Holly Schiff, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist, Gen X’ers are known for employing the helicopter parenting style. Helicopter parenting refers to a parenting style where the parent is excessively present in the child’s life, and hovers over all that they do—similar to a helicopter.
“They like to get and give advice about parenting and always learn about how to be a better parent,” she explains. “Generation X parents like to volunteer and be very involved in their children’s development, including being very involved in their child’s school.”
Dr. Kelley says many Gen X parents—raised largely by the Boomer generation—had less involved parents when they were children, which could explain why they prefer to be more present in their own children’s lives.
Boomers are known for being a generation of parents that pushed high educational standards and high standards of living, which might explain why Gen X was one of the first generations of parents to move away from a more authoritarian discipline style and lean towards learning what the best ways to parent are.
“Theories [are that] this generation became so interested in learning more about parenting in response to their lack of experiencing sufficient support as children themselves,” Dr. Kelley explains. “They are incredibly interested in encouraging individual choice while trying to remain engaged as parents.”
Holly Schiff, PsyD
[Gen X parents] support their children’s individualism and making their own choices. They encourage their children to be more independent and try new things.
— Holly Schiff, PsyD
Dr. Schiff agrees, stating that, “[Gen X parents] support their children’s individualism and making their own choices. They encourage their children to be more independent and try new things.”
However, Dr. Schiff notes that their helicopter parenting style leads them to be highly protective. “While this can be beneficial when it comes to safety and security, [their] children lack independence, which can affect them into adulthood. They also tend to lack emotional resilience.”
Millennials (Born 1981 to 1996)
Major Events in Their Lives
- The Great Recession
- A childhood with internet
- The COVID-19 pandemic
- Rising living and childcare costs
- The rise of social media platforms
- The invention of smartphones
“Millennial parents tend to be more open minded than any of the generations before them,” Dr. Kelley says. “For that reason, they do not ascribe to overly specific parenting styles, but rather find value in positive parenting over authoritarian discipline.”
This might be due to the fact that Millennials also have fewer children, explains Dr. Schiff. This decision is likely caused by a myriad of reasons. In part, Millennials feel less pressure to partake in traditional markers of adulthood, like getting married or buying a house. This is largely influenced by financial realities like growing mortgage rates, rising living costs, and the crash of the job market—which can make self-sufficiency unachievable for many.
Furthermore, the rise of social media and technology very much shapes how they parent. “Social media and the internet influence them as parents and [help them learn about] parenting in various styles,” she explains. Research even shows as much as 80% of parents of young children turn to social media for parenting advice. “They may have been children of Gen Xers, and used to the helicopter parenting style, so they are looking to have a more free and looser approach than what they were raised with. Millennials also may have been over-scheduled, so they try not to do the same to their children.”
Amelia Kelley, PhD
Millennials have a parenting style that has created the next generation of more self-aware children—kids who will become Gen-Z parents in the next coming decade.
— Amelia Kelley, PhD
Dr. Schiff says that Millennials also strike a better work-life balance and are able to unplug, unlike Gen X. “Millennial parents also rely much more on technology, both in learning about how to parent, but also letting their kids play games or watch videos on a tablet or smartphone,” Dr. Schiff says. “The con to this is having to limit screen time and these children grow up digitally-obsessed.”
Dr. Kelley says Millennial are more empathetic and curious about their children than Gen X, which might be why some are drawn to the conscious parenting style. “They encourage their children to ask a great deal of questions about emotional intelligence, self-improvement, and the world around them,” Dr. Kelley says. “Millennials have a parenting style that has created the next generation of more self-aware children—kids who will become Gen-Z parents in the next coming decade.”
Another component of Millennial parenting, according to Dr. Kelley, includes teaching individualism and work ethic above some more traditional values. “Focusing on self-esteem and identity has led to this generation engaging their children in far more extracurricular activities, instilling a drive for improved work ethic,” she explains. “For some children, this is very positive and allowed them to get into highly competitive schools or work against the increasing stressors in the self-made workforce. For others, it has created some decision fatigue and paralysis about what to do with their next steps and these young adults are still living with their parents or unaware of what they want to do for a living.”
Generation Z (Born 1997 to 2013)
Major Events in Their Lives
- Widespread smartphone usage
- The Black Lives Matter movement
- The COVID-19 pandemic
- The election of Barack Obama
- The age of streaming services
- The opioid crisis
- The rise of influencers
As parents, Generation Z usually aspires to be “perfect,” says Dr. Schiff, but therefore often feel less confident about their parenting in comparison to Millennial parents.
“Younger parents, those of Gen Z, grew up in the age of social media, where every move one makes is critiqued and everything is recorded and shared,” she explains. “They are placing pressure on themselves because of the environment they grew up in and part of that is this social comparison to other parents’ ‘perfect’ lives portrayed on social media.”
According to Dr. Kelley, because Gen Z only knows parenting within the context of technology, social media, and extreme interconnectedness, “there is no shortage of information for this generation, and for that reason Gen Z parents value allowing exploration of identity more so than work ethic as compared to Millennial parents.”
Leading many Gen Z parents to enroll their children in Montessori schools and nontraditional learning environments rather than enrolling them traditional bell curve style schools that are typically favored by previous generations.
Holly Schiff, PsyD
Gen Z values personal expression and is inclined to reject traditional norms and this leads them to explore new parenting styles. Psychologically, children of Gen Z parents may be healthier because these parents tend to prioritize their child’s mental health and well-being.
— Holly Schiff, PsyD
According to Dr. Kelley, some Gen Z parents are even having families earlier in life than Millennials as “they lean back towards historically traditional values because they are not having to rebel against helicopter parents that some of the earlier generations were pushing up against.” However, it’s important to note that this is not a universal trend across Gen Z, who is still largely choosing to enter parenthood later than previous generations.
So far, Dr. Schiff explains that Gen Z parents are more likely to center gentle parenting as an approach. “Gen Z values personal expression and is inclined to reject traditional norms and this leads them to explore new parenting styles,” she explains. “Psychologically, children of Gen Z parents may be healthier because these parents tend to prioritize their child’s mental health and well-being.”
However, some Gen Zers are still in middle-school, so there’s still a lot to learn about how this generation will tackle parenting.