Parents all over were floored last week when a clip of a psychologist claiming that daycare is super harmful to children went viral. Erica Komisar, LCSW, psychoanalyst and parenting coach, appeared on a March 3 episode of the podcast Diary of a CEO, claiming that putting your kid in daycare would cause long-term psychological issues.
Yikes—this is a very extreme way of describing what happens to kids in daycare. And with so many of us having really no choice but to put our kids in some kind of care in their early years (hello, having a job and other responsibilities), this kind of take is bound to create unnecessary stress and anxiety. Parents don’t need any of that!
We caught up with therapists, educators, and psychology experts to help us unpack what was said by Komisar, to help us understand the truth behind how daycare impacts kids, and how to ensure that your kid has a positive experience in daycare.
Expert Reactions
Among other points, Komisar said that putting your baby into daycare at a young age increases aggression and behavioral problems later in life. She also emphasized that daycare is harmful for parent/child attachment.
“Those first three years when children are so very fragile and vulnerable,” Komisar remarked. “Taking them away from your body as a primary attachment figure and handing them over to strangers and leaving them there for hours on end will cause your child to develop pathological defenses.”
All of the experts we connected with found Komisar’s statements to be too extreme, and just not helpful at all to parents.
Jessica Mercer Young, PhD, developmental psychologist and senior research scientist at EDC (Education Development Center), disagrees with some of the severe language used by Komisar. “As a developmental psychologist, I fundamentally disagree with her assertion that babies who are put into child care will become pathological—the evidence is in fact to the contrary,” she says.
Dr. Young also finds the idea that children will always develop attachment issues problematic as well. “Child care teachers are not strangers ripping your baby out of your arms—it is true that perhaps on the first day that your child goes to their early care program, the teacher is a stranger, but as with any transition in life where we meet new people, strangers can become friends,” she explains.
Jenalee Doom, PhD, associate professor of psychology at the University of Denver, agrees, sharing Komisar’s claim is “incredibly misleading,” especially the idea that children in daycare have trouble bonding with their parents.
“There is clear evidence that children can and do form healthy, secure attachments to their caregivers both at home and at daycare,” Dr. Doom says. “As long as you are warm and sensitive towards your children and responsive to your children’s needs, you can absolutely still have a strong and secure attachment with your child at home.”
Is Daycare Actually Harmful to Children?
So, what about Komisar’s claim that daycare is harmful to a child’s development? What does the research say? Is daycare ever harmful to children?
“While it’s understandable that parents worry about daycare’s impact on their children, the notion that daycare is inherently harmful is misleading,” says Haley DeSousa, M.Ed., head of curriculum and instruction at Haven. “Child development is complex, and quality early childhood environments—including daycare—can provide significant benefits when structured with a child-centered approach.”
As DeSousa points out, decades of research has found that high-quality daycare can actually benefit children, cognitively, socially, and in terms of emotional development. “Studies, including those from the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD), indicate that children in high-quality daycare settings often develop strong language skills, emotional regulation, and problem-solving abilities,” explains DeSousa.
On the other hand, she says, lower-quality daycare settings can be less beneficial, and may lead to increased stress in some children.
In other words , it’s all about quality of care. DeSousa encourages parents to do their research, shop around, and find a daycare that is a good fit for their family. “The quality of care matters significantly,” she says. “Factors such as caregiver-child ratios, staff training, emotional attunement, and daily structure all influence whether daycare is a positive or negative experience.”
Benefits of Daycare
According to Cynthia Vejar, PhD, program director & associate professor of clinical mental health counseling at Lebanon Valley College, daycare can have some clear benefits for children. These include:
- Building reading and literacy skills, social learning skills, and preparing kids for preschool, elementary school, and beyond
- Developing autonomy and independence
- Exposure to diversity, and opportunities to interact with people from different backgrounds
- Benefiting parents by allowing them to have choice and work-life balance; this can decrease stress levels, increase career stability, and create financial stability, all of which impact a child’s well-being
Making Daycare a Positive Experience for Your Child
Ultimately, daycare isn’t inherently “good” or “bad.” It’s one way that a child can be cared for, and whether it’s successful depends on many factors, including the type of daycare your child attends, the quality of care, and the quality of your bonding with your child outside of daycare.
It truly takes a village to raise a child, and actually, raising kids is meant to be a cooperative experience. “Community care and the ‘it takes a village’ way of caring for children have always been part of our human history,” Dr. Doom emphasizes. “If parents consider caregivers in a daycare as part of their loving, caring village, they should not worry that their child attends daycare.”
In a nutshell, daycare guilt has got to go, DeSousa underscores. “Many parents…experience guilt and judgment when choosing daycare,” says DeSousa. But the reality is that daycare can provide children with valuable experiences while simultaneously allowing parents to balance work, personal growth and caregiving.
“The key is recognizing that a loving, present parent is what truly matters—not the number of hours spent together, but the quality of connection,” DeSousa concludes.
