How to Talk to Your Teen About Crop Tops Without Creating Drama

Teens are always developing ways to express themselves, and how they dress is definitely one of them. Many young people are also in tune with fashion trends, like the ubiquitous crop top style that seems to be everywhere these days.

As kids get older, sometimes these clothing decisions can take on a different pitch. With school-aged kids getting kicked out of classes for wardrobe choices, and unfair discrimination particularly waged against femme-presenting teens who wear tank tops, parents may be wondering: are crop tops an appropriate choice? More importantly, what does the word “appropriate” really mean in the context of clothing choices? 

We turned to experts and gathered advice so you know how to navigate this topic and talk with your teen if they want to wear a crop top.

Understand Why Your Teen Might Want to Wear a Crop Top

It’s always important to understand the “why” behind a clothing choice, especially one like a crop top. Your teenager may see all their friends wearing crop tops, for example, or maybe they saw their favorite celeb or influencer in one. Wearing a crop top might also make your teen feel confident in their body.

Leslie Sanders, Psy.D, licensed clinical psychologist and program director of AToN Center, says your teen’s reasoning is deeply important. “Parents should try to decipher why their child wants to wear what they want to wear—whether it’s to express themselves, to fit in with others, or to construct an identity,” she explains. 

Your teenager is developing their sense of self as they move through high school—and clothing might be part of that. Zishan Khan, MD, board certified child, adolescent, and adult psychologist with Mindpath Health, agrees. “Clothing is a form of self-expression, and parents [should strive to] find a balance between providing guidance while respecting their child’s autonomy,” he says. “The key is an open dialogue that helps children develop decision-making skills regarding their appearance.”

Have an Open Conversation About Your Child’s Clothing Choices

It’s no surprise that teens are likely to react strongly to a parent who simply tells them “no” to anything, and what they wear is no exception. The key is being open and empathetic, and opting for a dialogue instead of presenting hard-and-fast rules.

Dr. Khan. and Dr. Sanders provided a list of open-ended questions to get you started: 

  • “What do you like about this outfit?”
  • “How does wearing this make you feel?”
  • “What message do you think this outfit sends to others?”
  • “Do you think this outfit is appropriate for school or certain occasions?”
  • “How would you feel if someone commented on your outfit in a negative or positive way?”

These kinds of questions prompt your teen to think about crop tops outside the scope of their initial excitement, digging deeper into the “why” of an outfit. 

A Word on Dress Codes

Teens should feel comfortable in making their own choices—within limits. If their school has a dress code (regardless of how you or your child might feel about them), it simply might not be possible for them to wear a crop top. Autonomy is important, but so are rules, and your conversation with your child can reflect both. 

“It helps to discuss dress codes for different environments (school, family gatherings, church, shopping, etc.) and establish mutually agreed-upon guidelines. This part is key because [teens] should still feel they have a say in the ultimate decision and aren’t being restricted from expressing themselves,” Dr. Khan adds. 

Unpack Your Own Feelings on Crop Tops

Let’s face it: many parents were raised with strict rules about clothing, and it’s possible we’ve internalized some of those emotions. It’s totally normal to feel some discomfort if children break norms that you were taught as a teen. But it’s important to meet this discomfort with critical thinking and self-reflection too.

“Parenting sometimes requires us to think about our childhood and what rules we lived by,” Dr. Sanders says. “When it comes to clothing arguments, parents can try to distance themselves and think about how their lived experience with harsh dress codes or shaming is impacting their reaction.”

For femme folks particularly, clothing is often heavily scrutinized, with a lot of stigma attached. When discussing crop tops, parents should avoid reinforcing that stigma with their words. Remember: kids can be mirrors for our own internal struggles around shame. The way we react about crop tops, or clothing in general, sets the tone for our teens’ understanding of themselves and their bodily autonomy. 

Zishan Khan, MD

Remind yourself that you yourself wanted to assert your independence and express yourself when you were their age, and empathy and patience is what you would have appreciated from your own parents.

— Zishan Khan, MD

Why It’s Important to Avoid Shaming Language When Discussing Clothing

There’s no doubt that teens can struggle with their self-esteem. In this social media-driven era, the way we talk about self worth matters. “Parents can shift from closed-ended language to open, values-based dialogue that permits trust and understanding while also setting boundaries to guide the child in making appropriate decisions,” Dr. Sanders explains. 

If a conversation about crop tops becomes fraught, it’s important to cool it off. Language that shames teenagers can negatively impact their self image. 

Remember, a conversation about wearing crop tops should be a place for a parent to try and connect to their child. After all, nothing is more important than your child’s physical and mental well-being.



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