Even Prince William Deals With This Parenting Struggle

Royals—they’re just like us! Even the future King of England is not exempt from getting the brush off from his kids when it comes to topics like their school day.

During a recent school visit in Liverpool, England, when someone inquired what Prince William’s kids—Prince George, age 11, Princess Charlotte, age 9, and Prince Louis, age 6—learned in school each day, the Prince relatably admitted—“They always say absolutely nothing at all.”

Thousands of miles away from royal palaces, my own kids frustratingly won’t share much about what they learned in school either. From my first grader to my teenagers, I’m sometimes left wondering if they just don’t want to talk about school—or if they actually sit and stare at a wall all day!

Some Kids Are More Talkative Than Others

Some kids are more likely to open up about their day than others. In our house, my daughters tend to say more than my sons.

Janet Bayramyan, LCSW, a Los Angeles-based psychotherapist at Road to Wellness, adds that in addition to gender playing a role, “Sometimes temperament impacts whether a child is resistant to opening up.”

She explains introverted kids may need more time to process their day internally and might not naturally share details.

“Kids who feel overwhelmed or anxious about school may avoid talking about it,” Bayramyan says.

Meanwhile, Bayramyan says kids may also hesitate to open up when they feel judged. The age of the child is also part of the equation.

“Older kids, especially teens, often prioritize peer relationships and may not view their parents as their first outlet for sharing,” she explains.

How To Get Kids To Talk About Their Day

So, is it a lost cause when it comes to getting certain kids to open up about their day spent away from you, where they are obviously learning and having new experiences?

According to Jenn Manak, PhD, Professor of Education at Rollins College, asking kids specific questions is the key to getting them to open up. Her advice? Stay away from inquiries that elicit only a “yes” or “no” response.

“Asking detailed questions shows children that we’re listening, that we value what they have to say, and that we’re genuinely interested in being involved,” Dr. Manak says.

She suggests starting with questions about their social lives, such as who they sit with at lunch, or who they play with at recess. Older kids may be more willing to chat about their activities or friends. According to Dr. Manak, these topics open the door to other discussions, namely about learning.

How to break through with younger kids

For younger kids, Bayramyan encourages parents and caregivers to use play-based conversations.

“Engage in drawing, playing with toys, or doing activities together to make them feel at ease,” she advises. “It’s also important to show enthusiasm. Reflect their energy by being genuinely excited about their answers.”

Here are some other concrete questions parents can ask preschool and elementary school-aged kids:

  • “Who was the weather reporter today?”
  •  “What was your class job?” 
  • “What was your favorite center or activity today?” 
  • “What book did your teacher read today?”

Getting your tween or teen to talk

Meanwhile, as every parent of a tween or teen knows, sometimes when you attempt to ask about their day, they take it as an interrogation! 

The experts we talked to urge caregivers to remember that timing is everything when it comes to talking to older kids.

“When parents pull back a little bit kids will be more desirous of being open and sharing things, but when a child feels cornered with questions that is when they usually retreat and give one-word answers,” says parenting expert Jennifer Kelman, Family Therapist with JustAnswer

She also reminds parents, “After a long day at school, the last thing kids usually want to do is talk about what they just did for the last many hours at school, so it is up to parents to be able to pull back and let things be.”

“Sometimes, teens need time to process their day before they’re ready to talk. Let them know you’re available when they’re ready,” Bayramyan concurs.

When that time comes, for middle and high school-aged children, try questions such as: 

  • “What was something you were proud of doing today?”
  • “What are you learning about in biology?”
  • “What friends are in your classes? 
  • “Did you sit with Brian at lunch again today?” 

Indeed, Kristen Miller, Director of Education for Celebree School, suggests using information from the day before to formulate your questions. “This will let your child know you are paying attention to them and care about the things they care about,” she says.

Strategies for all ages

Bayramyan suggests asking kids of any age questions such as, “What was the best part of your day?” or “Did anything make you laugh today?” 

More strategies that can facilitate conversation with kids about their lives include:

  • Talking about your own day. Bayramyan offers this example: “Something funny happened at work today…”
  • Creating a routine around conversation. Car rides, at dinner, or before bedtime are some possible times to talk about the day, according to Bayramyan. Miller seconds that notion, telling Parents, “Creating rituals and routines for young children is important for helping children feel safe and heard.”
  • Telling your own stories. For example, Bayramyan suggests saying, “I remember struggling with math too. How’s that going for you?”
  • Establishing a judgment-free zone. “Even if it’s not what you’d hoped to hear, validate their feelings to build trust,” Bayramyan says.
  • Playing “best and worst.” Miller recommends asking your child to explain the best part of their day and then the worst or most challenging part of their day.
  • Purchasing conversation starters. Miller suggests leaving them on the dining room table to help jump start fun conversations. You can also create your own question jar. Dr. Manak offers this idea for a fun question: “If you had a cartoon character as your best friend, who would it be and why?”
  • Consistently reading the weekly school newsletters. Parents can keep up with what’s going on with their child, and ask questions accordingly.

Ultimately, Kelman wants adults to understand that talking about the day is more of a need of the parent than for the child—so have patience, give kids space, and eventually, when they are ready, most kids will open up.



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