Late elementary and early middle school are not easy for kids. Not only are they trying to figure out who they are and how they fit in, but they’re also much more influenced by their peers. No one wants to stick out or be different—and when when they do, it increases their chances of being targeted.
“Kids will generally pick the easiest target for bullying, which often includes anything that doesn’t fit in with the cultural norms of being ‘cool’,” says Katherine Lamparyk, PsyD, a child and adolescent psychologist, and director of psychology for the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Health at Akron Children’s. “The reasons behind bullying and social exclusion go beyond the latest TikTok trend or name brand, though. Fundamentally, kids just want to fit in.”
So when the Stanley cup craze hit schools, it’s not surprising that bullying prevention experts say young girls are being targeted for not having one. In fact, several moms—one in Ohio and one in Texas—have gone viral, sharing their frustration over their daughters being singled out for not having the trendy cup.
One Mom Has Had Enough
When one Texas mom took to TikTok to share her daughter’s heartbreak over being bullied for having a knockoff Stanley cup, the response was divided. In the video, the mom explains that her daughter had begged to take her mom’s cute, sequined cup to school, thinking it looked just like the Stanley cup her classmates were carrying.
“She was super stoked to take it.” the mom says. But when her daughter proudly showed off her cup at school, her classmates quickly shot her down, calling it a knockoff and making her feel small. “My kids don’t know name brands. I’m a single mom of three. You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit…[and] how do fourth graders know what…a knockoff is.”
Visibly frustrated, the mom pledged to get her daughter a real Stanley cup right away to spare her the pain of being singled out.
Viewers flooded the comments with mixed reactions. Some sympathized and sent countless Stanley cups to her daughter, some even suggested she get her daughter something cooler, while others urged the mom not to give in to the pressure, suggesting she help her learn to brush off the comments. One commenter wrote, “If they’re bulling her about a ‘cup’ having the Stanley isn’t going to stop them. They’ll find something else to bully her about.” The discussion raised a broader question: Is buying into the trend the right move, or does it send the wrong message?
Experts say the mom’s instinct to protect her child is natural—but they also caution that material solutions don’t address the root of the problem. “The issue here isn’t the Stanley cup,” says Robyn Koslowitz, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist with Targeted Parenting Institute. “It’s the friendship targets. You’re trying to signal ‘similarity’ to a group of girls who aren’t very kind.”
However, Dr. Koslowitz also says she loves that people wanted to help out. “As Mr. Rogers said, look for the helpers. I think the most healing thing for me [as a kid who was bullied] was growing up into the kind of grownup I’d have needed when I was a kid.”
Why Kids Are Targeted for Not Having Trendy Items
Experts agree that bullying over material possessions—like a Stanley cup—is not uncommon.
“Material possessions are an easy target because they’re visible and tied to perceived social status,” says Amber Monroe, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist with Healing Balance Therapy. “In a world where kids are constantly exposed to social media and advertising, the pressure to conform to trends can be overwhelming, and those who don’t or can’t are often singled out.”
But it’s not just about the ‘stuff,’ according to Dr. Koslowitz. “It’s about what the ‘stuff’ means. It’s all about friendship.”
She explains that there are three key factors to a new friendship: openness, similarity, and shared activities. Similarity, in particular, means people are drawn to those who resemble them in some way. In this context, having the same item signals similarity to the group—so not having it can make the child feel left out.
When kids don’t have that particular item—like a Stanley cup—they can become a target of bullying.
Amber Monroe, LMFT
In a world where kids are constantly exposed to social media and advertising, the pressure to conform to trends can be overwhelming, and those who don’t or can’t are often singled out.
— Amber Monroe, LMFT
Should You Make Sure Your Kid Has the Latest Item?
As parents, it’s hard to see your child upset and the instinct is often to solve their problems to help them feel better by buying the item in question, says Lamparyk. While this reaction is understandable, it’s more helpful to support children by teaching them how to cope with these issues when they come up.
Instead of rushing to buy the latest trendy item, consider discussing whether these are the kinds of friends your child values. Teaching kids how to respond confidently to bullying can also make a difference.
How Kids Can Respond
Dr. Koslowitz recommends giving kids practical responses, such as agreeing with the teasing in a lighthearted way, making a joke, or changing the subject. In her anti-bullying workshops, she uses fun drills to help kids practice these responses.
“One girl was being bullied because her mom didn’t have a smartphone for ideological reasons. She responded with: ‘My mom has a smart brain. She doesn’t need a smartphone.'”
Dr. Koslowitz advises practicing at home so your child feels prepared if bullying happens again.
Address the Root, Not Just the Symptom
Focusing on the root of bullying rather than merely addressing the symptoms is more helpful—and ultimately less expensive—than trying to keep up with trends, says Lamparyk.
“Sometimes kids, especially young kids, are mean because they haven’t learned these social skills.” However, when bullying becomes persistent and is intended to cause harm—often known as the “three Ps” of bullying (persistent, purposeful, power imbalance)—it’s crucial to involve the school and have adults intervene.
To help your child build resilience and confidence beyond material goods, Monroe suggests taking the following steps:
- Encourage open communication. Create a safe space for your child to share their feelings without judgment. Validate their emotions and let them know they’re not alone.
- Teach resilience. Help them understand that their worth isn’t tied to material possessions. Emphasize their unique qualities, talents, and values.
- Advocate at school. Contact teachers or administrators to address the bullying. Schools often have anti-bullying policies that can be enforced.
- Foster self-confidence. Engage your child in activities where they can excel and feel good about themselves, whether it’s sports, art, or academics.
- Build supportive friendships. Guide them toward peers who value them for who they are, not what they own.
“[Bullying over a Stanley cup] highlights a cultural challenge,” says Monroe. “Kids—and adults—often associate worth with what they own. Instead of only addressing the symptoms like not having the trendy item, we need to teach resilience, confidence, and the ability to define worth beyond material goods. By fostering self-esteem rooted in character, not consumerism, we help kids navigate social pressures in a healthier way.”
